How To Lose 'unwanted' Friends & Make 'true' Enemies

1) Ignore people.

• Don't return phone calls.
• Never answer the phone.
• Don't listen when people talk to you.
• Talk on your cell phone when with others, especially in restaurants or other public places.
• Don't acknowledge that others exist.
• The greatest insult that you can give someone is to ignore the person.

*If you excel at this skill you can skip the next four paragraphs*

2) Show disrespect.

• Make fun of others.
• Assign stupid nicknames or deliberately mispronounce names.
• Make people wait for you.
• Laugh at other people's mistakes, struggles, and fears.
• Use sarcasm and cynicism freely.
• Treat people like idiots.

*Disrespect is powerful because it strips people of their dignity*

3) Criticize.

• Find fault in everything.
• Spread gossip.
• Complain about anything and everything.
• Remind people about mistakes they made, even if decades ago.
• If possible, embellish your complaints with exaggerated descriptions of failure.
• Keep a written log of faults, flaws, and fumbles so you can grind on them daily.
• Develop a whining tone to your voice.

*Critics reduce everything to dirt*

4) Be negative.

• Master pessimism.
• Attack every change or new idea.
• Always focus on failure.
• Expect the worst to happen.
• Never accept or approve anything.
• Refuse to participate or cooperate in any endeavor.
• If something appears to work despite your efforts, cause delays so you can prepare fresh arguments against it.

*Aggressive gloom creates perpetual hopelessness*

5) Get mad

• Throw tantrums.
  
• Scream.
• Yell.
• Shout.
• Slam doors.
• Hit walls.
• Throw things.
• Act violent.
• Use accusations, insults, and threats to disrupt conversations.
• Tolerate nothing.
• Insist on retribution.
• Always attack first.
• Blame your anger on others.

*Unpredictable, insane behavior keeps other people off balance*

Caution: Application of these tactics guarantees that the need for lawyers will increase.